Flat White

Microsoft unveils the latest Pride flag

James Macpherson

Getty Images

James Macpherson

25 October 2022

10:00 AM

The Pride flag has had more updates than Windows, so it makes sense for Bill Gates and his team to go and give it a bit of a great reset.

Microsoft has designed an all-inclusive omni-pride flag which has birthed it into the world looking like a broken phone screen that’s mated with a 70s rave.

I think we can all agree that the result is stunning and brave.

I’m old enough to remember when flags were for nations, not for individual lifestyle choices.

Microsoft released a statement (this part is true) saying:

This flag combines 40 different flags from LGBTQIA+ communities around the world, including: Abrosexual, Aceflux, Agender, Ambiamorous, Androgynous, Aroace, Aroflux, Aromantic, Asexual, Bigender, Bisexual, Demifluid, Demigender, Demigirl, Demiromantic, Demisexual, Gay/MLM/Vinician, Genderfluid, Genderflux, Genderqueer, Gender questioning, Graysexual, Intersex, Lesbian, Maverique, Neutrois, Nonbinary, Omnisexual, Pangender, Pansexual, Polyamorous, Polysexual, Transgender, Trigender, Two Spirit, Progress Pride, Queer, Unlabeled.’

I had to Google half of those identities. I’m so sorry I did. All I can say is never go full omnisexual.

Wait. Did they say 40 different identifies? But there are only 26 letters in the alphabet!

Not that it makes much difference. Don’t they realise the only identity that matters now is the T?

Twenty years ago, everyone was unique. Now everyone needs to belong to a group. It’s hilarious. For people who hate being labelled, they sure made up a lot of labels!

I know of 353 communities not represented in the new Microsoft Pride flag so, um, Microsoft is literally Hitler.

And not a single Ukrainian flag. Fascists.

Also, way to exclude the epileptic community, you haters.

Which part of the new flag represents women who need access to single-sex spaces, or does Microsoft not support them? Hmm.

Despite the aforementioned shortcomings, I like the new design. It makes it appear as though all the colours are being pulled into a black hole – which would be a good start.

The Microsoft gay Pride flag is what you see when you travel at Woke speed.

While the new Pride flag – or, as I like to call it, the seizure flag – is certainly colourful, it’s going to be difficult for the Sydney Lord Mayor to have painted on pedestrian crossings.

The thing I love most about the new gay Pride flag is that you literally cannot tell whether it’s a joke or not.

This, you see, is why the Left cannot meme. It’s because they are they meme.

Incidentally, Microsoft have also created a gay Pride controller for their X-Box consoles.

A Microsoft spokesman said:

The reality is that every gamer deserves the right to be seen and heard.’

Isn’t that why you use comms?

‘Watch out for the zombie behind you! Also, I’m polysexual!’

No. Apparently your rights as an alphabet person are somehow being violated if you’re playing X-Box without a controller that expresses your sexual proclivities.

The goal here was to make the gaming world a more inclusive space and Pride was an opportunity to take a good step in that direction,’ he said. 

It’s a great point. I know I don’t feel like I’m included when playing video games unless the controller in my hands is a literal representation of my sexual orientation.

Of course, if Microsoft were serious they would have replaced the traditional controller’s A,X,Y,B buttons with L,B,G,T buttons.

Bigots.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Published by Nelle

I am interested in writing short stories for my pleasure and my family's but although I have published four family books I will not go down that path again but still want what I write out there so I will see how this goes

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