Flat White

Moneypox – sorry – Monkeypox

James Macpherson

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James Macpherson

17 June 2022

11:00 AM

The World Health Organisation has decided to rebrand, er, rename the Monkeypox.

WHO boss Dr Tedros Ghebreyesus said today a new name was needed to avoid fuelling ‘discrimination and stigma’.

Discrimination against monkeys? Really?

What about chooks? Should we rename Chickenpox, or do they fall afoul of government inaction because of where they sit in the pecking order?

Is Smallpox offensive to people under 5’2? Won’t someone think of the midgets?

Clearly, I’m not taking this very seriously. And why should I?

What does it say about the age in which we live that an international group of 29 scientists from such distinguished institutions as Oxford University got together, not to come up with a Monkeypox cure, but to call for a name change?

Could there be a better illustration of the lunacy of the age in which we have been doomed to live? 

Can we cure the Monkeypox? Absolutely not. But don’t worry, we can come up with a meaningless gesture to salve the hurt feelings of … monkeys.

I’m guessing a lot of first-class flights will be required to make the name change happen, none of which will stop Monkeypox from stepping on a plane.

Trust the science, as they say!

You’d think that after the Covid fiasco, the WHO would be working hard to rebuild their credibility, not further diminish it.

Rather than cure the Monkeypox, they’re going to cancel it! What could be more 2022?

‘Anti-racists’ want to change the name of the virus to stop Africans coming to mind when they hear the word monkey. Tell me again who the racists are?

The WHO also want the media to use more photos of white people covered in lesions caused by whatever they are going to call the disease whose name cannot be spoken for fear that the proles cannot hear it without their inner racist being aroused.

This would be the first time in years that I’ve heard elites demand people of colour not be represented.

When the WHO warn that the name Monkeypox creates a certain stigma, I suspect it means too many people are making fun of the disease and meme-ing it rather than being sufficiently frightened.

A WHO committee will meet on June 23 to discuss whether the outbreak should be recognised as a global health emergency. 

The Guardian ran an article on Wednesday headed: Monkeypox Virus: What are the Symptoms and Should Australians Be Worried?

The Atlantic ran an even scarier title: Monkeypox Could Be Nothing – Or It Could Be the Next Syphilis.

Cue scary music.

I immediately donned a mask and started to read, only to learn in the third paragraph that just three Monkeypox cases have been reported in Australia.

Stop scary music.

You can see why a new rebranding is urgently needed.

‘Flying Monkeypox’ could work. Or they could just go all out and call it the ‘Run-For-Your-Lives-Pox’.

‘MegaDeathPox’ for short.

If it’s not so much fear they are trying to instil as action, the WHO could always rebrand it as Covidpox. All the Covidians would immediately double-mask and gleefully line up for never-ending jabs, demonising anyone who didn’t.

Big Pharma could sell hastily prepared vaccines – that offer no protection against catching or spreading the virus – to all the countries of the world, where citizens would be forced to take them every three months.

Just drop the ‘k’ and call it the Moneypox…

The official statement from the WHO read:

WHO is also working with partners and experts from around the world on changing the name of #Monkeypox virus, its clades, and the disease it causes. We will make announcements about the new names as soon as possible.

So far this year, more than 1,600 confirmed cases and almost 1,500 suspected cases of Monkeypox have been reported to WHO from 39 countries – including seven countries where Monkeypox has been detected for years, and 32 newly-affected countries.

So far this year, 72 deaths have been reported from previously-affected countries. No deaths have been reported so far from the newly-affected countries, although WHO is seeking to verify news reports from Brazil of a Monkeypox-related death there.

WHO’s goal is to support countries to contain transmission and stop the outbreak with tried-and-tested public health tools including surveillance, contact-tracing, and isolation of infected patients.

It’s also essential to increase awareness of risks and actions to reduce onward Monkeypox transmission for the most at-risk groups, including men who have sex with men and their close contacts.

Today, we have also published interim guidance on the use of Smallpox vaccines for Monkeypox. WHO does not recommend mass vaccination against Monkeypox.

You can follow James on Twitter. You can order his new book Notes from Woketopia here.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.


Published by Nelle

I am interested in writing short stories for my pleasure and my family's but although I have published four family books I will not go down that path again but still want what I write out there so I will see how this goes

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